Sunday, February 5, 2012


I now understand why people that fall from heights die of heart attacks before they hit bottom.

I've been working on this post in my mind for a little over a week now but just couldn't seem to put it to web.

About a month ago, maybe more, Miranda started getting up in the middle of the night to go to the bathroom a couple times a week..  Strange for her since she's been one to sleep through the night since birth, never wet the bed and had dry diapers through the night since she was 2.  Yes, I was spoiled.  But it didn't quite gel as a symptom since she wasn't wetting the bed . . . 

Her 5th birthday was on the 22nd, a Sunday, and early Tuesday morning she got up to go potty and threw up while she was sitting there.  No fever, no tummy complaints, just urp.  Her 5 yr checkup was later in the afternoon so I didn't worry.

So she got 4 shots, vacs, and a blood draw.  I finally convinced the doctor to do allergy testing (results were allergies to dog and cat) because  she was always stuffed up, especially fall through spring.  She failed the high register on on her hearing test so she's supposed to be getting another screening.  The thought is all the stuffiness is impairing it.  Vision fine.  She told the doctor about urping but since there had been no more the doc put it off to just something not sitting right.

Early Thursday this time she made it back to the bed before urping.  I preferred the bathroom.

Her TEDDY appointment was scheduled for Saturday, the 28th, and I was getting nervous.  I called and let the nurse know what had been happening.  She said not to worry, she sounded okay, and that everything would be checked in two days anyway.

But when I showed up she'd asked Dr Rewers to stop by for a visit.  He looked at her, said she looked like a rose so no immediate danger, and asked the nurse to call him with the numbers.  RG 88 so I started relaxing.  Then the blood ketones came in.  1.0  Not dangerous but too high even though she was fasting.  When the A1C came in the look on her face just made my heart sink.  6.4

Dr Rewers wanted us back at the Barbara Davis Center Tuesday morning to begin training.  In the mean time he wanted us to monitor her sugar two hours after lunch and dinner.

When he got the weekend numbers he decided we could wait - it was coming but we weren't going to rush to insulin.  Diagnosis: impaired pancreas

So we've been falling for the past week.  Okay Miranda's been falling for longer but I wasn't aware of it.

And the ground is rushing up.  Last night it was 199.  Today after lunch it was 305.

I called the doctors and now training is back on for tomorrow morning.  I don't know exactly what the outcome will be.

Part of me feels like Wyl E Coyote falling and running as fast as I can hoping that I'll go sideways instead of down.  Another part just wants to hit the bottom and have it all be over.  I missed, somehow, the opportunity to walk away from the edge.  I will always wonder what it was I should have done to stop this.  Was it the allergies?  Should I have pushed harder for the testing?  Was it already too late almost 3 years ago when the antibodies first showed up?

So it's not official.  I can't really say when it will be.  I just know it is coming and I'm so tired of the fall.

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